Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Living from the Heart

Friday, February 15 ~ Albuquerque, New Mexico

I'm still in bed when the phone rings. It's my daughter's mother, calling to say that winter storms in Northern Arizona have rendered the roads so snow- and ice-bound that the drive through Flagstaff, AZ to Gallup, NM is too dangerous to make.

Normally, when my eight-year-old daughter comes to visit me from Sedona, AZ, we all meet in Gallup. That was to have been today's plan, with Guinevere spending the President's Day holiday weekend with me.

I hang up the phone and begin to cry and then cry even more because I'm so surprised to find myself crying.

Sure, I'm disappointed. But that disappointed? After all, I just saw Guinevere five weeks ago and will see her in Sedona in two weeks.

And yet the tears continue to flow.

So often as we move through our days and weeks, doing what we do and being what we be, we're unaware of the sea of emotions that ebbs and flows far beneath the hard surface of life's routine.

It's easy for our major triumphs and tragedies to pierce that surface. We expect tears of joy and sadness when something life-changing occurs.

Yet as we open more fully to our emotional subtleties and as we surrender more completely to feelings we have hidden, even from ourselves, it takes much less to trigger those tears.

It's a cliche to say that it's important to "get in touch with our feelings."

We do it, though, not by dropping a probe into that sea of emotions and poking about. We do it through a moment-to-moment practice of opening our hearts more and more fully -- not to anyone or anything in particular, but to everyone and everything in general. We do it through a moment-to-moment practice of surrendering to the call of our heart, by answering that call, by living that call.

Living from the heart means being open to all that the heart would reveal to us -- and to all the ways we have hidden from it.

Living from the heart means that both the sea of emotions and the tears that flow from it are closer to the surface than at any time since childhood (when our defenses were not so impenetrable).

Living from the heart means surrendering to those emotions -- and to those tears -- as we allow all that we feel to move through us.

As I dry my eyes and begin to move through my day, I'm grateful for the phone call, grateful even for the disappointment, grateful for the deeper opening to my daughter...and to my heart.

6 comments:

motherwort said...

For the last few years tears have come so easily for me, too easily I thought, often with frustration. I have to admit I was less than charitable towards them and the emotions that always seemed so close to the surface. Thank you for reframing this for me. Maybe it is a sign of my own growth and opening that I feel so free to wear my heart on my sleeve.

As always, much wisdom comes with your blogs. Thank you.

Angel-Light said...

Thank you for sharing this experience, Mark David. I have been surprised in this way, too. On occasion, I even have to go within and search for the reason for the tears. Open heart, love self, allow. Appreciate you! Blessings upon you! Love to you from Angel-Light Love.

Mark David Gerson said...

Thank you both for your words, motherwort and angel-light. As we disarm our hearts, we of course become more vulnerable...and more tears flow. It can be a scary way to live. Ultimately, it's a more fulfilling one.

Blessings to you both,
Mark David

selfdiscover said...

Wow.... So, it's not hormonal imbalance.

I've been finding my tears flow freely the last few months. I didn't understand it as I was laughing just a moment ago. I too, have been clearing the way to live safely from my heart. It has been worth every teardrop.

Thank you for sharing. Now I understand my heart is telling me its free to sing.

Self Discover

Mark David Gerson said...

-- So, it's not hormonal imbalance

Not unless it is for me, too!

Keep on singing!!

- Mark David

Tessa said...

That is so precious! Precious moments! caught on camera. Pictures do speak words. Thanks for sharing. I have a son that is 12 1/2 and full of life and energy.

Love & light
Tessa