Saturday, February 24, 2007

Heart Open Wide

Friday, February 16 ~ Sedona, Arizona

I drop my daughter, Guinevere, back at my ex-wife's house after an afternoon's outing. My ex-wife is pale, coughing and struggling through flu-like symptoms that have been plaguing her for several weeks.

"Do you think you could do a session for me?" she asks.

We're on good terms, she and I. Still, it was probably difficult for her to ask. It's even more difficult for me to answer.

The split second between her question and my answer feels as though it lasts a lifetime as a rush of thoughts, memories and emotions cascade through me.

My first thought, even as I know I will agree to work on her, is a screaming I don't want to do it!!

Concurrent with that are two memories.

The first stretches back eight years to a sound activation I did for her on the lava rocks of the Big Island, when she was still pregnant with Guinevere. We had been married about a year and were deeply in love.

The second is barely two weeks old. A friend, visiting me in Ojai, intuits that another level of that marriage, which ended more than two years ago, is ready to be healed.

In that moment, I understand my resistance, even as I still feel the pain of it: In order to do any kind of session for anyone, my heart must be open....wide open....to the client.

In that moment, I realize that my heart is not wide open to my ex-wife. Parts of me don't want to open it, are still afraid of being hurt.

In that moment, I reassure all my fearful selves and say yes...to her and to my heart.

When I'm done, I know that whatever healing this session has provided her, it has provided at least as much for me, forcing me to new levels of love, compassion and openness.

I don't know about her, but I'm not the same. My heart is open.

Photo: Sedona Sunset by Mark David Gerson

2 comments:

Swanny said...

Wow, this is intense. I have visited your web site before but felt rather lacking. I have not heard of this sort of thing... these sessions... Unless it is similar to the session that was given the man in the movie, "My Life". (?)


I have had similar resistant moments (although minus the "session"...) I have been in situations where I did not want to help someone... but having done so, also received the profound benefit. (emotionally, spiritually).

Amazing. You explain it so well!

Mark David Gerson said...

Thanks.

The session I referred in the piece to was a sound-healing session, a form of vibrational I healing I do using the sound of my voice.

These days, the one-on-one work I do tends more toward spiritual mentoring, life coaching and writing/creativity coaching, although I'm open to doing the sound work upon request.

MD