Friday, March 16, 2007

Body Talk I

Thursday, March 15 ~ US-64, near Farmington, New Mexico

The local NPR station broadcasts a promo for a program segment about spring allergies. They're gonna be bad, the announcer says.

Oh, I say. That's why I've been experiencing such extreme allergic symptoms recently. Sneezing. Sniffles. Scratchy throat. Itchy eyes. Off and on for several weeks. It's been beyond uncomfortable.

And then I remember.

I'm in my hotel room in San Diego last week. I've just come from Sedona, where my allergy symptoms were intense.

Juniper? Well, yes, it is the season.

But it's more complicated than that.

Actually, it's simpler.

You see, as I'm sitting in my hotel room, I remember that my symptoms act up and are at their worst either when I'm in Sedona or when I've been talking to my former wife, who lives in Sedona.

Am I allergic to her?

No, of course not.

But allergies are a function of the immune system, which is designed to kick in when it senses a threat.

Recently, as issues around my ex-wife and our separation have come up for deeper healing (see Heart Open Wide), parts of me are feeling profoundly threatened.

Although from a higher perspective, betrayal does not exist, my human-child self knows only that he has been betrayed and must not trust.

It's not safe!!! he shouts. And feeling endangered, he calls in the troops. Shields up! he cries. Defenses up!

My immune system responds, with sneezes, sniffles, itches and scratches, trying to fight off the danger, as it has done throughout my life.

As a child, my immune system was very active. I had many allergies. I had many fears. The world didn't feel safe, wasn't safe.

Today, that child is once again frightened, once again reluctant to trust.

Today, though, a new strategy is called for. A new defense.

That defense can only come from a place of love, of trust, of forgiveness...all the emotions it feels too dangerous to embrace.

It feels too dangerous. Yet that danger is an illusion. I cannot fear an illusion. I dare not.

Sitting in my San Diego hotel room, the Pacific waves thundering on the beach beyond my window, I offer a new strategy, a new defense.

I open my heart in love, I say.

I open my heart in trust.

I open my heart in forgiveness.

And, finally: It's safe to open my forgive.

The symptoms don't dissipate immediately. Many years -- lifetimes, perhaps -- of patterning must dissolve. But as my words remind me of the truth, that truth gains power in my body and in my life.

It is safe. I am safe.

I continue my drive -- deeper into New Mexico, deeper into spring, deeper into allergy season. Deeper into my heart.

Photo by Mark David Gerson: Pacific Beach, San Diego, California


Anonymous said...

Hello Mark David,

Strangely I have been experiencing the same symptoms this past Sunday. I was fine, then developed this dry cough, running nose, and sinus trouble. I also felt very cold at the end of the night. I'm not getting sick and it's not a cold or chest cold.

Not only that, my heat was working fine all day and then when I was going to bed decided to turn it up and now it doesn't work. I have oil heat so, I checked to make sure I still had enough oil and I do. Luckily it wasn't too cold outside and I did have a heater to run.

I do know that I had these same symtoms when I was with a particular person and things in the house did break when he was coming over one time (they were minor things). We have been apart for about 4 months and I have been getting signs yesterday evening that he is more than likely going to contact me. So, not realizing until this morning that I would have a great excuse for not seeing this person if I was not feeling well or if something had to be fixed.

Anyway, I'm not coughing as much today and decided to deal with whatever is coming my way. I am finding the humor in it but know I'll have to clear this up myself. Thanks for sharing your stories. It is a pleasure reading them.

RLK - Wisconsin

Mark David Gerson said...

Sorry it's taken me so long to respond. My allergy symptoms went away....only to be replaced by something fluish then ear/nose/throatish. Ugh!

Well, not ugh at all. Simply my physical body clearing out lots of toxins to clear the way for what's next.

Thanks for sharing your story, too. It's great to get some additional perspectives on this blog!

Mark David