Tuesday, September 02, 2008

Stepping into the Void...Again

Friday, August 22 ~ Albuquerque, New Mexico

O'ric raised his hands over my head in benediction. "Ride north one league at a time. Aris will guide you at night. A path between the suns will guide you in the day. Your heart will guide you always."
~ The MoonQuest: A True Fantasy

I knew it could happen any time. I knew my days in this house were numbered. But when I listen to the woman who owns the house I’m renting, I'm numb with shock.

"This isn't working," she says of her attempts to sell the house with a tenant (me) in it. "I'm afraid I'm going to have to give you notice."

This isn't how it was supposed to be. I expected to stay in the house until it sold, which in this market could have taken months. Meantime, I've been scouring Craig's List for suitable alternatives.


It takes me a few hours to settle into an emotional state conducive to meditative activity. Once there, I feel out the energy of my known options:

1) Find another Albuquerque rental
2) Find a rental somewhere else, in or out of state
3) Hit the road for some indefinite, transitional period

If you've followed these Chronicles for any length of time, you know that the last time I did #3, I ended up on the road for 30 months!

Although I'm not keen to embark on another open-ended odyssey, the romance of the road still carries a certain appeal. Still, my first choice is #1...though it’s proving hard to find anything that measures up to where I now live. As for #2, I'm open, but nothing solid has presented itself.

Frankly, I'm open to all options, despite my conscious preference. I’m particularly open to the options I can’t yet see or imagine.

That's just as well because whatever inner/higher/heart intelligence is guiding this human journey, it keeps urging me to "expect the unexpected" and to pack in a way that offers me the most flexibility (#3).

Like Toshar, the questing protagonist of my novel The MoonQuest, all I can do is follow the path that presents itself in each moment -- wherever it carries me, whatever the consequences.

If there's one thing I've learned through my years of personal and spiritual growth (and writing The MoonQuest was a potent teacher in that regard), it's that the unimagined and unimaginable is nearly always far more wondrous than the known and predictable.

Travel beyond the end of the known world, Toshar and his companions are told. A similar voice constantly offers me the same counsel.

Not for the first time in my life (and, undoubtedly, not for the last), what's ahead is beyond my ability to predict or project. Not only is there a catalog of options betyond nos. 1, 2 and 3, there are variations -- 1a, 2c, 3f -- that my mind can't yet figure out because it can't yet see them as possibilities. They lie beyond the end of my known world.

Living in this place of unlimited openness isn't without its stresses. Not knowing whether I'm moving or roving, not knowing which contingency to pack and prepare for -- these information voids catapult me well beyond what's left of my comfort zone.

Yet through it all, I have an abiding knowingness that when I trust and surrender, when I let go and leap, I end up somewhere magnificent, somewhere I could never have imagined, predicted or chosen.

For today, all I can do is to start packing and let tomorrow take care of itself...and me. It always has.

Art by Mark David Gerson: "Surrendering to the Mystery, Surrendering to the Void (#34)"


William said...

I have recently been on a similar path of uncertainty, and as well, through my spiritual development I have learned that it only means that were growing, which is good of course.
I might take a voyage myself? I was thinking Australia.....but maybe that wouldn't be good considering I just found out I was going to be a dad :o/
I'm sure you're on the right track Mark, everything always has a certain sense of reason which we cannot dispose.
I wish you the best my friend.

Alyx said...

So,,, Mark David ... Have you ask yourself what your dream regarding the "prison campus" & absolute freedom and deciding what to take with you and what to leave behind might have foretold about your present situation?
Just wondering if revisiting that dream might put you into a different perspective or help you understand the message the Outriders were trying to give you ~~
A dream that vivid for you is a message ~ the most difficult part is its interpretation.
hang in there ~ Alyx

bleuet said...

Hmmm... I read it and reread it.. was that english... lol.. my story is long.. so i shorten it ... my house sold.. and i had no place to go... also a son to take care of.. so what do I do... well.. i let go.. yes, right.. with a kid.. i let go.. i finally booked a room in a motel.. and than i found a house for rent... and now i' m just waiting on some papers and than i move again.... far far away from here... where well I have an idea.. again ... I put it into God's hands - all of it and yes ... a door closes and another opens... you be fine .. i know so.. how ... :-) till next time.. I like your writing very much Thanks Silvia

Mark David Gerson said...

William: Congratulations on your impending fatherhood. That's its own (wondrous) journey of uncertainty!

Alyx: Thanks for the suggestion. I sure have explored the relevance of the dream, both in the light of current and other circumstances. Dreams, of course, operate on many levels and it's not always clear what their meaning is on this one!

Silvia: Thanks for sharing your story. When we're open to the voice of Spirit, all is -- always -- well!