Wednesday, February 22, 2006

The Journey Continues

Santa Fe, New Mexico

I’m standing outside my casita talking to one of the owners.

“What are your plans?” he asks.

“I don’t know,” I reply. And it’s the truth.

Apart from working on this book, I’m not sure why I’m here.

As we chat amicably, it becomes clear that, come April, he and his partner will be ready to rent this unit at its full vacation-rental value.

Which means that I’ll be out.

Even as we continue to talk about this and that, part of me is ready to explode in full-blown panic.

I just got here, it shouts. I just emptied the last crate out of the car! And now you’re plunging me back into insecurity, back into the void!!

I hear the inner screams even as I continue my conversation with my landlord.

I hear them when I come back inside.

And yet I know that the panic will pass because there is not a single moment since beginning this particular phase of my journey over a year ago that I have not been nurtured and supported.

Whether or not I remain in Santa Fe, this will be no less true on April 1 this year than it was on April 1 last year.

And so the journey continues...

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