At Home in the Heart...and New Mexico

Friday, March 3, 2006 — Santa Fe, New Mexico

When I left Sedona in the wake of my marriage break-up, I expected to be on the road for no more than a few months.

I’d experience a little drive-through healing, a New Jerusalem would rise magically onto the horizon of my consciousness, I’d pull up to it in my minivan and I’d begin a new life in a new home.

I have to add in all fairness to my higher self that I never received any guidance to that effect, other than to leave Sedona and hit the road.

Which I did.

And like a kid on a long car trip, I would look out the window at each stop and ask, Are we there yet?

After some months of this, my higher-self parents began to repeat the same line my human parents were probably channeling from the same source more than four decades ago: We’ll get there when we get there.

I share this today for a couple of reasons.

The first is a reminder that we are often given misleading guidance to get us to act in our highest good. Spirit (which, remember, is us) will do what it takes, say what it must and reveal only what’s necessary to push us forward on the ascension path.

Would I have left Sedona knowing what I know now of the past 15 months? Probably. But my resistance would have been greater.

Would I have stripped myself of most of my possessions and moved to Nova Scotia 10 years ago knowing I would return to Toronto 14 months later? I don’t know, but it sure would have been a tougher sell.

Would I have fully unpacked my car 10 days ago only to intuit a sooner-than-anticipated return to the road? Not likely.

On this human journey, need-to-know sometimes is the best way to go...precisely because on this human journey we want to know everything when that kind of knowledge would trigger the very fears that would hold us back.

That’s why surrender is so important. I don’t have the full picture or even the wide-screen view. But my Heart Self/Higher Self/Soul Self/God Self/Divine Self does. When I trust what it tells me, I’m basing my actions on that pilot I spoke of in a previous post — the pilot who sees more of the map than I can.

A corollary to this is that things are rarely what they seem. Or, with apologies to Sigmund Freud, a cigar is hardly ever just a cigar.

We have always lived multidimensional lives. We just haven’t carried much of a conscious awareness of that reality.

Today, we’re catching increasing glimpses of the layers of our lives and the levels of meaning in how they’re playing out.

That isn’t a call to analyze every cigar. It is a call to recognize that what we know of our experience is simply one of a potentially infinite range of possible interpretations.

That recognition leaves us open, and that’s the true call.

Which brings me to my latest Aha!.

Through all my months of asking Are we there yet?, it never occurred to me that I had already found the new home I was seeking.

I’m not speaking of the home in my heart, which is the ultimate home that will free me to belong anywhere and everywhere.

I’m not fully there yet, though my sense of home is definitely shifting in that direction

What I thought I was looking for was a physical home from which I could continue my travels. When I felt drawn to Santa Fe in January, I figured I would find it here. When the call to leave began to echo within, I figured I wouldn’t.

Now I know it’s not that simple. Now I realize that my home base need not involve a physical structure. Rather it’s a place and energy...a feeling...a choice.

When I look back over the past year, I realize my home has been New Mexico. Here is where I have spent more time than any other place in the country. Here is where I always return. Here is where I recharge. Here is where I connect most profoundly with the land.

So when I’m guided to change my phone number, mailing address, driver’s license and car plates from Arizona to New Mexico, it’s a reflection of what already is, even if I have not yet seen it. And when I’m guided to hit the road again, it’s pointless to get angry (as I did) over the seeming futility of these changes.

Instead, I must look beyond the surface cigar to see what lies beneath it...or at least trust that something does, even it it’s unseeable in the moment.

As I have traveled the country since December 2004 — coast-to-coast twice now — I have expected “the right place” to greet me with the fireworks of certainty.

What I now realize is that the new relationship paradigm — and that’s any kind of relationship — is one of loving detachment. It’s not about a sparkler that flares up then fizzles. It’s about deep connections that are born from a place of empowerment and expressed through empowered choice. It’s a passion that resides within rather than being projected outward from a place of fear, low self-worth or neediness.

It’s the light within us, not the light we are seeking from other people or places.

When I’m fully there, my heart will be the only home I require and my relationship with it the one that feeds me fully.

Until then, I continue, from day to day and to the best of my varying ability, to surrender to that same heart, which is the expression of my divinity, my mastery...and my home.

And I continue to share that journey with you.