Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Diving into the Void

Tuesday, March 14, 2006 ~ Santa Fe, New Mexico

It's midafternoon on a day that's shaping up to be my first in more than week not requiring at least one nap. (Sunday I took three!)

For the past 10 days, I've been living deeper and deeper expressions of the void I wrote about in my March 8 newsletter (What Are You Doing the Rest of Your Life?). Like a monster balloon, this void has expanded to engulf just about every aspect of my life and has left me with neither the energy nor will to do much about it.

No certainty has been spared by this marauder. Gone, for example, is the certainty of my departure from Santa Fe at month's end. Gone is the return to the road. Gone is a journey to the east and midwest in the spring. Gone is whatever sense I had of what staying in Santa Fe might mean. Gone, too, to my surprise, is the schedule of two to three teleconferences per month that has been a fixture in my life for the past two years.

Gone is any sense of fixture — apart from writing.

Whenever I connect with my higher wisdom, regardless of the question, I hear an irritatingly unchanging three-word refrain:

Write. Don't think.

It's one of those divine examples of karmic retribution that the identical refrain - writ large across a blackboard or flip chart - has greeted most participants in my writing seminars for the past dozen years.

And so I write. And, too tired, to think, I sleep.

And I write.

I write these blog entries when they demand to be written. And every day I write on my novel.

And I sleep...

In fits and starts at night. In naps during the day.

In honoring the call to sleep, I honor my body by allowing it the rest and integration time it needs. I honor my mind by freeing it from its desire to "figure it out." I honor my unconscious, which is doing double- and triple-duty in dreamtime.

I wrote in my newsletter about the period that runs from tonight's full moon until the new moon on March 29 as one in which we are laying the foundation not just for the next weeks or months, but for all the next years.

In that context, what I have been experiencing is perfect. I've been forced out of my own way to allow everything about who I am and what I do to be questioned, to allow what no longers serves my highest path to fall away in order that the fullest possible expression of my joy, purpose and mastery can be realized.

It's not always a comfortable process. But that's where exhaustion and sleep come in. There's simply not enough energy - or waking time - to resist it.

I feel like an antique table today, a table whose centuries of finish are being stripped away, layer by layer by layer by layer.

As the table, I have no idea what new finish will be applied, when it will be done, how I'll look or to what use I'll be put once it's complete. Even though I know I'll still be a table and will experience greater joy in my renewal than I ever have known, it's still a disconcerting transition.

As the restorer, that higher part of me that is returning the table to its natural beauty and highest function, I have absolute clarity about what I'm doing and about its outcome.

Perhaps I'll be largely a writing table. Perhaps other uses that I cannot now imagine are waiting for me.

About one thing (and perhaps only one) I'm certain: Whatever the outcome, as I surrender to this process I will be supported fully and in joyful ways that express my highest purpose. For that is the ascension path. That is the heart's desire.

8 comments:

EarthBase-Transmissions said...

Hello my friend.
I read your words and understand your process as I am in a process that is somewhat similar.
I surrender and yet it needs a moment to moment awareness to make this declaration of surrending.
Lightworkers are being brought through the 'void' and I send your Shi Krishna blessings.
C.N. RODGERS/Kor

Catherine said...

Greetings Mark David,

Your thoughts and words are positively stunning! I have been reading your messages regularly with great interest. They are so beautiful that they leave me utterly breathless.

I am a social justice and workplace reform writer in Sedona living totally on the financial brink for the sake of my soul path writing. Your words inspire me to keep going with my own.

Thank you and many blessings!

Katrice Balmer said...

Ah yes. Writing and only writing...that is what I am being called to do. All that I THOUGHT I was meant to be doing is slowing dissolving and leaving me with more time than I know what to do with and then, I write. Now of course, to start to make a living as a writer. That is what I am looking at these days. So I understand just what you are talking about. At least there are many of us going through this same transition. It feels right.

Mark David Gerson said...

Dear Kor,

Yes, many of us are being pushed into the void in order to distill our highest purpose. And, yes, surrendering fully, particularly to the moment, is what's required.

Blessings to you as well!
Mark David

Mark David Gerson said...

Dear Catherine,

Thank you most heartfully for your words. Yes, the call is to hold the resonance and keep moving forward. But if I may, I invite you to alter your language with regard to finances.

It may feel as though you you're on the "financial brink." And I fully honor how it feels. However, shifting your perspective only slightly, by saying something like, "Somehow, miraculously, I'm being taken care of and am still able to more forward," it shifts the energy from one of barely making it to one of being supported.

As you focus your energy on all the wondrous ways you are being supported, you will find yourself being supported even more.

During my 15 months on the road, my financial situation was often tenuous. My guidance was always to focus on the moment and on all the ways I was being supported in that moment. As I did that, those moments extended and expanded, often quite magnificently.

Again, thanks for your words. And I support you 1000% as you hold the resonance of the path that is yours to travel.

Blessings,
Mark David

Mark David Gerson said...

Dear Katrice,

Thanks for the validation and confirmation. It's always great to hear that someone else is getting similar guidance!

As for financial support, I know that as long as I follow the call of my highest self and pursue myheart's passion (even when it comes as a discomfiting surprise), I will always be supported....even if not always directly or in ways I expect.

Keep on writing! And I'll do likewise.

Blessings,
Mark David

Anonymous said...

I look forward to reading about your continuing journey into the New Earth that we as Lightworkers are all experiencing.
Your recent posting on writing and then sleeping in short spells reminds all of us that our Earth Mother is forcing us to rest in order to withstand the new vibrational levels that we are escalating too.
I give you tremendous gratitude for my Life changing Galactic sounding with you last November which allowed me to move to a higher level.
Satnam
Alyx S./ OH

Mark David Gerson said...

Dear Alyx,

Apparently, my napless Tuesday was an anomaly. I was back to napping today!

Thanks for writing and for sharing your experience of the sound session I did for you in the fall. The midwest always treats me very well, and I look forward to my return.

Blessings,
Mark David