Wednesday, April 19, 2006

One Day at a Time

Wednesday, April 19, 2006 ~ Flagstaff, Arizona

Doubts gnaw at me this morning as I prepare for my true departure into the unknown.

Although I left Santa Fe on Monday, I knew I would be spending two nights here in Flagstaff, just north of Sedona, in order to have time with my daughter.

Now that I'm about to leave Flagstaff, this feels like the starting-gate...which is about to swing open, only to push me off a cliff into an unimaginable void.

I know I'm heading toward Monterey, California. But I find that knowledge far from comforting, given that I have no idea why it's calling me or what I'll do when I get there.

I've jokingly told friends that my Mercury Monterey minivan simply wants to go home. And perhaps that's all it is, though I doubt it.

Since the certainty of Monterey's call gelled a few days ago, my mind has been cataloguing all the possible reasons for it. My mind, however, can only travel to the frontiers of its imagination. Whereas the truth, I know, lies well beyond that artificial barrier.

This morning, as I teeter on the precipice of the unknowable, what I know and what I feel don't quite align. And that misalignment feeds those doubts - about this journey...about my work...about my life.

And then, like a phoenix rising from the ashes of doubt...REVELATION!

I know I will be spending tonight in Barstow, California. What more do I need to know, in this moment? Nothing, I realize.

That very realization relaxes me, and frees me to move day at a time.

Tonight is Barstow. Tomorrow will take care of itself...and of me.

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