Movin' On Up

Wednesday, April 19, 2006 ~ Barstow, California

As uneasy is it makes me, I recognize the perfection of hitting the road just as gas prices are once again skyrocketing, on my way to a particularly expensive part of the country...at a time when my known means of support are dissolving.

It may be perfect at a higher level, but my human self is not always convinced. That human self spent an hour last night checking out accommodation options in Barstow.

Barstow has little to recommend it, other than its location. And even as I keep trying to avoid staying here when I'm back-and-forthing between California and the Southwest, Barstow is where I generally end up.

I have been here often enough to know the hotels, and to know that there is really only one that is now appropriate: the Holiday Inn Express just outside town by the outlet malls. I stayed there on my last two pass-throughs in December.

Then, recently returned from three months of live events and private sessions in the east and midwest, my wallet and bank account were comfortably padded. Now, I'm trying to avoid spending beyond a comfort zone increasingly challenged by the aforementioned "perfection."

So last night I surfed the web for alternatives and this morning I scanned hotel coupons for bargains.

Bargains exist, and one briefly tempted me. It was for a Quality Inn I knew from a previous stay. And it was half the price of the deepest Internet discount I could find for the Holiday Inn Express.

And then I remembered what had happened here in December. I drove to the Quality Inn, discount coupon in hand, and parked in the parking lot. But I couldn't get out of the car.

So bad, as my daughter used to say, I wanted it to be okay to stay there. Yet I knew that it wasn't.

There's nothing wrong with the Quality Inn...other than that its resonance and mine were no longer a match.

This was not about snobbery or better-than. It was about good-enough and self-worth. It was about the vibration of abundance, which is the vibration of trust.

It was also about acknowledging that when I'm on the road, my hotel is the only home I have and I deserve to be comfortable.

So I pulled out of the parking lot and pointed my car toward the Holiday Inn Express.

As I recalled that experience this morning, I put away the coupons and booked a room for tonight at the Holiday Inn Express, where I sit right now.

The room is large, quiet and comfortable. The front desk staff is friendly. It's not the Ritz, but it is the newest and nicest hotel in town.

Yes, it pushes my money buttons to stay here. But I've stayed here before and I'm still solvent. And even if I don't know where my financial support is coming from, I know it's not only coming, it's already here.

I know too that there can be no backsliding on this journey. There is only forward motion and upward vibration.

I can't pretend that I'm still where I was a year ago. I can't erase the sense of worthiness I have worked so hard to achieve. I can't act as though I don't have the money or dwell on scarcity, unless that's what I choose to create.

All I can do is trust the journey and know that I'm taken care of. Period.